Friday, February 13, 2009

Jockeys (Friday the 13th: Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid)

In which Kayla Stra and Brandon Meier try to win a race and everyone else tries to remain thin:

UPDATE: Brandon Meier may be 5-foot-6 but he has very white teeth.

UPDATE: Brandon Meier is wandering the backstretch at Santa Anita without his agent. This is bad.

UPDATE: Jockeys are discussing food. They are all hungry. Duh.

UPDATE: Each of Kayla's arms are the size of Winston Churchill.

UPDATE: Kayla is upset because she weighs 110 pounds. OMG. Shut up, girl!

UPDATE: The color of the jocks' room at Santa Anita is the same as the color of the house Aaron Gryder lived in here in Floral Park.

UPDATE: I want my own hot box

UPDATE: Rico says Dana is hot. I do not know who Dana is.

UPDATE (for those who have not heard about the Lindbergh baby): 48-year-old Jon Court is no longer a phenom

UPDATE: YAY! Kayla finishes second. Each of her arms have become the size of Shaq's thighs.

UPDATE: BOO! Kayla gets DQ'ed _ from second place! Her arms remain the same size.

UPDATE: (commercial: I am sending away for the $14.95 AB-ROCKER)
It looks awesome!
(I am lying.)

UPDATE: Brandon wins. Brandon's jockey father is clueless. BAD DAD.

UPDATE: Kayla's arms are getting bigger. How is this happening?

UPDATE: Jon Court's wife (niece of Earlie Fires) is scary. I wouldn't eat either if I were married to her.

UPDATE: (Wide shot of jockey wives) Rico: "Whoa."

BREAKING NEWS: Longtime publicist Joey Goldstein passes. More later.

UPDATE: (commercial) I am sending away for a Barbie Girl Pet Vet.

UPDATE: Is Chrystal Court jealous of Kayla? With those upper arms?

UPDATE: "Kayla out of the money"

UPDATE: "Kayla in 9th place"

UPDATE: (Kayla sucks)

TV INTERLUDE: How many bones has Jon Court broken? Rico: 28. Me: I don't care. (Answer: More than 30; good guess, Rico!)

UPDATE: YAY! Kayla wins! OMFG!! Look at those arms! Now she's flexing!

UPDATE: Jon Court and Dick Vermeil were separated at birth (This is not a reach!)